Turning a New Leaf

Hey People!


Tonight I am writing just because I am in a great mood. Lately, I’ve been down because my boyfriend and I broke up and he’s been extremely mean to me. He was always so nice and respectful, but some true colors have been shown since the break-up. (Which was mutual.) And I’ve been doing some serious hurting.


However, the other day I deleted him off Facebook. It was scary in a way because I wouldn’t be able to creep. But, I knew that everything he was posting was going to make it worse. Then today, I deactivated my account. Why did I need it? I am going through a time where I am concentrating solely on my life and myself. And he and the rest of my Facebook friends didn’t need to be in it. 


Also, I finally deleted all the messages and put all of the pictures of us away on a CD. I reset my phone to start over. He text me tonight because he had a question for my parents. But instead of answering it, or even directing him to them, I ignored it and deleted it! I feel so good!


Also, adding to my new leaf would be the fact that I am going back to school in a few days. I am taking new classes with new teachers. I am adding a major and a minor. I want to start working towards an internship in DC as well as my study abroad plans. I also got the job at that popular clothing store I blogged about the other day.


For the past few weeks, I’ve gone through a lot of change. I lost my boyfriend/best friend who I was used to being in my life for the better part of three years. The human body doesn’t like change. Mine didn’t like it. However, change can be good for the soul. And, I’m proud and excited to say that my soul is feeling a lot better now that I’ve turned this new leaf in my life!


Interviews: Are they really a true portrayal of the applicant?

Just a few minutes ago, I got a call from a popular clothing store to set up an interview. As we were setting up a date and time, she let me know that it would be a group interview and there is another person being interviewed as well. That made my nerves just about double. 


Why? I feel like there is one more person judging in me in the room, except he/she is also competing for the same position. It kinda jacks things up a little. When it comes to interviews, I never get extremely nervous because I am not in DIRE need of a job. I am going back to school, so it would be nice to work while I am away, but if it doesn’t work out, it’s not like I won’t be able to pay the bills. Get what I’m saying? 


What I am contemplating is, do interviews truly portray the real perspective of the applicant? Everyone knows when you’re being interviewed as well as filling out applications, that there are generic answers for certain questions. Like, if you’re always late, you’re not going to put that down. So, theoretically, if you are a good actor/actress and you know what to say, you could go in and get the job even if you’re the opposite of what they want.


That my friend, is intimidating.


For me, going into the interview is a little nerve-racking. Because I’m not one that could just talk my way into anything. Sometimes, when I am put on the spot, I get confused and my words come out awkward and funny. I might seem a little disheveled and unprepared, but in reality I’m not. Actually, I am a great worker. Probably because I HATE being bored. I would rather be completely busy at work, then have nothing to do. For me, it makes the time goes faster, plus I am not thinking of the all the things I could be doing. 


It just makes me wonder, how many people there are out there like me? That go into an interview, calm, but get in there and feel… dazed. Confused. Disheveled. On the same token, how many people go in there, completely unqualified or lazy and breeze there way through the interview because they knew what to say. Seriously though, are interviews a good way of seeing the potential of a future worker? Or is it just a game, and you hope the employer chooses the right applicant?

Writing: Relieving? Intimidating? Both?!

For the past few minutes, I have been looking around WordPress.com and trying to get the hang of this website. I looked around the homepage and even looked around other’s blogs. I figured that I might as well get some type of experience maneuvering this website as I intend on posting more than once a year. However, looking around intimidated me as well…


I love to write. I’ve loved to write since I was a young kid. I used to write these terrible short stories about me and my little brothers. As I got older, I kept a journal for awhile, I actually enjoyed email. When I used to get so mad and frustrated at people, I would write them a letter and let my frustrations out. Currently, I am writing a story and I’ve started this blog. (Which no one knows about, but the three people that may actually stumble upon this blog. No one I know even knows I write…) But, when I started investigating around here today, I realized I am an amateur. Everyone on here has such amazing ideas they are displaying, and some of you even share your identities. You people have so much confidence! It’s so intimidating for me!


I know I’ve only posted two blogs including this one, but I never realized the potential of a blog. I love that people share so much on here. I love that other people support each other here. Surfing around on here has inspired me to do more with this blog. I hope to keep a blog when I study abroad, as well as keep adding on to this one. I don’t know if I will ever be confident enough in my writing to expose any part of who I am on here, or tell anyone that I am close to about it, but I hope that there are some readers out there that will read what I am writing and think “Hey, this girl is on to something,” or “I understand and agree with her.” I guess maybe that’s the intimidating part is to have someone reading what I’ve kept in for so long.


Writing can be an outlet of expression for yourself or the world to see. I guess it’s for the writer to choose the reader. And, I’ve chosen you to be the reader. In reality, no one may ever read this, but it is the most I’ve ever done. Most importantly, for me, it’s a step in the “write” direction. (Hahaha, get it?)

Breaking up: It’s confusing and difficult, right?

If there is one thing that every human being has in common is they have felt the feeling of love. Whether it’s deep and passionate and shared with your significant other, or  it’s you’re newly found obsession with your  adorable puppy, everyone feels it in some way or another. And since everyone loves someone or something, it’s reasonable to conclude that everyone deals with heartbreak too? I think so. I know I have. And I am sure you have too. Whether it’s a death of a family member (and/or pets) or just breaking up with your significant other, everyone must feel that wrenching pain in their gut knowing something in life is “over.” 


The reason I am dissecting this issue tonight is because my boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was almost three years and within the blink of an eye, it’s over. And ever since the breakup, things have been really confusing. But, I think I know why….


The other thing that every human has in common is that everyone is different. People may have things in common, but there are no two people that are the exactly the same. So, it is probably safe to say that every individual deals with things differently. Heartbreak is the perfect example. I know that my former (ex just sounds too harsh) boyfriend is dealing with this by keeping it inside. He puts on a happy face that is super convincing to everyone around him. I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite. I fail at strong faces and all I want is to talk to this out to try to organize my feelings. 


Tonight, I saw him at my town’s fair. And he was completely cool with talking to me. All I wanted to do was cry! Maybe it’s because I am a girl; Maybe it’s because I am emotional. Nonetheless, in the end, I had to leave. I didn’t want to walk around and wonder about pointless things. More importantly, I didn’t want to walk around and have people ask me what was wrong, because quite frankly, that ALWAYS makes things worse.


The other key part to this problem is the main issue that former boyfriend are having. Since the breakup, we declared our label as 1.) friends, 2.) friends not seeing anyone else 3.) we are nothing 4.) we’re broken up 5.)we’re working on ourselves 6.) we’re done. Confusing right? Currently, (and finally) we’re just friends and we don’t know what the future will hold. (Which no one does!) All this confusion over losing someone I considered my other half has made me wonder what he is thinking about or saying about me. Most guys talk mad shit about their exes when they are done. But, this guy is different. He is still really nice to me and has only said good things about me. However, my inquiries about what he’s been saying has really pissed him off and he’s lost a lot of respect for me, which I totally understand. I know he is being a gentleman, but like most girls, I have my insecurities. I was wrong for digging and suspecting but I wish he’d understand one thing: Everyone deals with heartbreak in a different way.


So, let’s throw all these pieces of the puzzle and have a little food for thought. Whenever you or anyone is dealing with heartbreak (or anything else, really) remember everyone deals differently. Some of you want to just cry it all out. Some want to keep busy with their friends. Some laugh, some cry, some pretend it’s not happening. Some, like me, get anxiety and think ridiculous thoughts like “Is he talking shit?” (Honestly, why do I even care?) What I am saying is next time you or someone you care about is going through something difficult, just remember they cope different. Respect their techniques (within reason, of course) and try to put yourself in their shoes. And most importantly, be there for them. They might want you there.